Fife christians read out 'dirty bits' of King James Bible

The run-up to Easter 2011 featured a bid by two Fife churches to read the entire King James Bible from cover to cover.

Busloads of believers from churches all over Scotland took part in the event, which marked the 400th anniversary of the completion of the King James Version of the bible.

Largo and Newburn Parish Church in Upper Largo dates back to the 12th century, when christians wielded terrifying power across Europe and possession of any book other than a Latin bible carried a death sentence.

In April, congregations there and at the nearby Largo St David's Church in Lower Largo read aloud the archaic text from start to finish in one go, including all the bizarre and obscene parts that they usually skip over.

Reverend John Murdoch admitted it was an enormous challenge but was pleased that christians from all denominations got involved.

With around 450 separate reading 'slots' to fill, the readathon took just over 80 hours.

Working in groups of four to six, God-fearing readers took turns to read from a large-print edition of the King James version, also known as the Authorised Version.

'Usually, we studiously ignore all the bits in the bible about horse semen, stoning adulterers to death, wiping out rival tribes and eating your own shit,' a parishioner told us. 'But this was a chance to read out the spiteful, disturbing and filthy parts to a live audience, so as genuine believers we were very keen to get stuck in.'

Ancient belief

Mr Murdoch told reporters, 'Knowing that the Authorised Version was going to be 400 years old this year, I thought we should mark the anniversary here in Largo.

'I remembered hearing ten years ago that people at a church in Buckinghamshire had read the Bible from beginning to end, starting on the Friday night and ending on the Monday morning.

'I remember thinking, "What an amazing idea."'

Mr Murdoch made no comment on the suggestion that litter-clearing in the nearby beauty spot of Keil's Den might have been a better use of the christians' time and energies.

Christians believe that the bible is the final, unquestionable word of God to mankind, and traditionally have responded to critics by burning them alive.

Although the crime of 'blasphemy' is still on the statute books in Britain, it is now rarely used, and christians have to contend instead with a rational, secular world where executing petty criminals, baking shitcakes and drinking your own piss are sadly out of fashion.

Anyone interested in contacting Rev Murdoch can email him at jm.largo@btinternet.com or call 01333 360286.